A Matter of Perception Discontinued
by Jasmini
Summary: There's no easy way to fall in love with your best friend. You basically set yourself up for heartbreak and risk ruining a relationship that took years to build. So how do I get the girl in the end? And how do I get her to leave the boy I set her up with
1. Love at First Sight: Well sort of

YAY!! Finally I decide to post my new fic. I really like this one, and personally I think I started off with a bang. lol I don't mean to toot my own horn but…. Well anyway, this is a classic story that has a not so classic story line. It's about the perceived impossible to have boy-girl friendship. Many believe that this sort of friendship is impossible because it always leads to something more.

Well I'm exploring that a bit with this story. The title: 'A Matter of Perception' says it all. This story has all to do with how Natsume views Mikan. He never saw her clearly when he was younger, and in a way he LITERALLY saw her as a boy. He knew she was a girl but he didn't see her as one, then all of a sudden that view of her changes completely. Now the only problem is, is that Mikan is already dating his other best friend, oh the twist the twist, lol.

I'm gonna try to tell the WHOLE story in Natsume's POV. If any of you guys have read my other work 'Conspiracy' then you'd know I tend to switch between characters a lot, and I don't want to do that. Why? Because the story is meant to be told ONLY from Natsume's POV. I'll try to control myself from switching to Mikan's POV no matter how tempted I am.

Summary: We've been friends since we were babies. I never saw her as a girl. But then one day out of the blue it hit me. She WAS a girl. And I fell madly in love with her. Only one problem. She dates my best friend and I was the one who set them up.

* * *

Chapter One: Love at First Sight…. Well sort-of

I was looking at a picture with a pair of scissors in my hands. In it are my closest friends, Mikan and Ruka with me in between them. Mikan and I have lived next door to each other all our lives, and have been friends since we've been in diapers. I never saw her as a girl; she was always just one of the guys. Our parents used to joke that we were destined to be together, but both of us would gag at the very idea. To me it'd be like going gay getting married to a guy, to her it'd be like marrying her brother.

We met Ruka when we were 13, and he and I instantly hit it off and became best friends. He and Mikan had a different reaction to each other. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that the two liked each other so I set them up, and it worked. They've been dating for 3 years. I never had a problem with it…at least not until recently. I never saw Mikan as a girl before last week. Then it hit me like a brick to my head. I saw everything at once like I had been blind all my life and were seeing for the first time. She was a girl, and I fell madly in love with her.

I took the scissors and cut Mikan and I out, and placed us together. Vindictive? Normally I'd agree with you but I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand him being with her, touching her, kissing her. It made me want to die.

So how did this all happen? How did I make such a massive transition in such a short time? Well for the answer let's have a look back and see then.

* * *

"Mikan. Mikan. MIKAN!….GET YOUR ASS UP!" I yelled to my best friend putting a bullhorn near her ear. She jumped up in fright and landed on the floor with her bed sheets tied around her ankle. I would laugh...if this wasn't an everyday occurrence.

"Owww Natsume I think you might've blown my ear off this time." she said rubbing her ear." I rolled my eyes. "Just hurry up and get ready, if you're not ready to leave in fifteen minutes I'm leaving without you." She looked up at me incredulously, "You wouldn't dare." she said. I never had left her behind before, even at the stake of being late and getting locked out of school. Our school has adopted this weird system that after the second bell was wrung, they no longer allow students in. Stupid? Yes. But Affective? Also Yes. Now all the morons like Mikan hurry their asses a little more. "Do you really wanna try me?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

Without answering back, she ran into her bathroom. I proceeded to exit her room to give her a little privacy. I went downstairs to my second parents to eat the food they had there. "Hey Natsume. Did you wake my lazy daughter yet?" I nodded, "She just got into the shower." I said. Mikan's mom handed me a plate of her blueberry waffles. I've gotta say, even though over the years I'd been dubbed Mikan's royal waker-upper, it was all worth it to get her mom's breakfast. "Thanks." I said and dug in.

After a while, Mikan still hadn't come down. Usually by this time she'd be running down the stairs with elephant-like steps, shoving her food in her mouth like a truck driver, and we'd have run to make it to school. "Natsume, I suggest you go upstairs and knock on her bathroom door, she probably fell asleep in the shower again." her mother said shaking her head. I snickered a bit and headed upstairs. It was so like Mikan to do something like that.

I walked up the stairs and opened up the door without knocking. My eyes widened, and my jaw became slack. I felt my breathing become jagged and my heart speed in my chest. There was Mikan in nothing but her underwear in front of me.

Now I had seen Mikan's underwear before, but that was when we were nine, and flipping a girl's skirt in revenge was still a common thing to do. But we weren't nine, we were sixteen. And she wasn't wearing rainbow polka-doted panties, she was wearing black lace. And she looked _amazing._ More than amazing, she was _beautiful_.

I felt my cheeks turn red as I heard my own thoughts running in my head. 'What am I thinking, this is Mikan we're talking about. MIKAN! This is the same girl who I played in the sandbox with. The same girl who I rescued from bullies in the second grade. The same girl who I traded snacks with at lunchtime. And I was thinking about her _this_ way.' I shook away those nasty thoughts.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity the idiot decided to turn around while she was in the process of putting her T-shirt on. Giving me a full view of her sparsely covered chest. Her face flushed bright red and she threw the nearest thing to her at me-her useless alarm clock- and yelled, "GET OUT!"

Without wasting another moment I ran out into the hallway, breathing heavily. I ranked my hand through my hair and pulled on it. 'What just happened?' I asked myself. My heart wouldn't stop beating and I couldn't shake the image of her like that out of my head. 'What's going on with me.' I said shaking my head clear again.

Then the door opened a slowly, and Mikan shyly walked out of the room, with her cheeks red and her head low. "You usually wait for me downstairs." she whispered. I didn't look up but then said, "You were taking longer than usual. I thought you fell asleep in the shower." She raised her eyes a little, "Actually I did, but I woke up on my own. That's why I was still changing." she said.

It was quiet after that, and neither of us uttered a sound. I glanced at my watch. My eyes widened. We had less than ten minutes to get to school. I grabbed her wrist and began running. "N-Natsume?!" she stuttered tripping over herself as she tried to keep up. "We've got less than ten minutes to get to class." I told her. After I said that she began running on her own. "Bye Mom, Bye Dad, Love you." she called as we ran passed them out the door.

* * *

Mikan and I somehow managed to make it to class just as the second bell rang. We were panting hard and we both collapsed on the classroom floor. "That's –_pant-_ a new record." she breathed out. "I know." I breathed also.

Then came Ruka. "You okay you guys?" he asked helping Mikan up. She smiled a huge smile at him. "We're fine, just ran a bit later than usual." she said. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. I felt my body burning. My eyes narrowed and my jaw tightened. I felt myself gritting my teeth. "Natsume, you look hilarious." a voice called out to me. It sobered me immediately. It was Koko. I shot him a glare and he shut up.

I made my way toward my seat at the back of the room. Ruka and Mikan sat in the row right in front of me. At first our assigned seats were that Mikan and I were the ones who sat next to each other, but after the teacher came to recognize us, Ruka and I switched so that I sat alone. It was never a problem. So why did I feel so antsy now?

During class I found myself growing more and more irritated as time went by. During lessons Ruka would do things varying from holding Mikan's hand to playing with her hair. Did they know that they were doing this for the world to see? Did they know that there were probably hordes of people distracted and staring at them?! I glanced around the room. Every pair of eyes was either on the board or closed and asleep.

Was I really the only one bothered by this. Then it hit me. 'I never had a problem with them doing this stuff before, so why now?'

* * *

I was on the rooftop. I was cutting my sixth period class, but at the time it hardly seemed to matter. I had more important things to do then to be in Spanish. I didn't get it. What was wrong with me? I kept on staring at Mikan all day today. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I was looking at her doing everything. Twirling her hair when she was bored, biting her pencil eraser when she couldn't get an answer, watching as her eyes dazed into space. Suddenly I became the expert on her features. I realized her eyes weren't brown. They were hazel. And I realized her hair had streaks of blonde in it. But why was I seeing these things now of all times. Why couldn't I think of anything else?

_You like her..._

I glanced up shocked, and looked from left to right. Where did _that_ come from? I paced. Pftt. Yeah right. The day I like Mikan is the day the earth stops revolving around the sun.

_You REALLY like her..._

Where the hell was that voice coming from?! It was saying such ridiculous things. How sick would I be to fall for a girl who should be like a sister to me.

_You're right, that is pretty sick...congratulations!_

Alright now I was getting pissed off. This voice or whatever it was, was not only asserting the impossible, but it was insulting me too.

_Haha! You're the one insulting yourself moron._

I drew a blank at that. I didn't get whatever this voice/spirit thing was trying to say.

_I'm you, you dufus!...God for someone so smart..._

Wait a minute…If that's true, then not only was I holding a full length conversation with myself but…

_DING DING DING Congratulations, you figured it out._

…I fell in love with my best friend.

Today it was as if I was seeing her for the first time. And it was love at first sight.


	2. What Now?

I finally updated!! I won't bother giving you guys any lame excuses as to why I didn't update sooner. Let's just say it boils down to writers block and word count lol. I have standards when writing now. I will NEVER post a chapter that is shorter than 1,000 words EVER again. I get extremely pissed off when writers do that so I don't wanna do that to you guys. This chapter is short, lame, and merely transitional, but trust me it's necessary. I can't jump into the plot just yet. But just hold on a bit things will get better. I promise

* * *

Chapter 2: What Now?

So here I am. Lying on my bed on Saturday night just thinking. Not hanging out with people like a normal person would do, but simply thinking. So basically now I've transcended from being sick to just being pathetic. And speaking of pathetic, I gotta wonder why it's taken me so long to realize that the love of my life was right in front of me all this time. It's like me trying to find a shirt and searching my entire room from top to bottom, only to realize I've been wearing it the entire time. Am I really that moronic? Apparently yes.

I got off my bed. I didn't understand what I was doing. Why was I sulking? It's been a whole week since I finally realized how I feel and I've avoided seeing both she and Ruka like the plague. Of course I still woke Mikan up every morning but I didn't walk with her to school, and I didn't talk to either of them much other than that. I felt angry and bitter toward Ruka. I had to wonder if three years of friendship could really turn sour so easily. It just made me feel like a horrible friend.

I could tell Mikan was confused. The messages she left on my cell phone had ranged from worried, to guilty (she assumed she did something wrong), to angry. Her angry messages made me laugh. Her threatening me was like a little kitten trying to scratch me. I felt guilty for making her feel this way but what more could do?

I walked out my door and decided to go for a run. I'd learned over the years that running is magic. It can help you forget all your problems and just let instinct take over. I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going; I just went wherever my feet led me to. Unfortunately my damn feet seemed not to care about the qualms of the rest of me, because they let me to where Mikan and Ruka seemed to be on a date.

There they were in the middle of the park snuggled up in the middle of the grass. I had an internal battle with myself. The evil side told me to go right over there and interrupt them. The good said to be the bigger man and just walk away. I decided to follow the better advice and began to walk away when Mikan called out to me.

"Natsume? Natsume wait up!" she said running to catch up to me. Tsk Tsk. She should no better than that. She has enough trouble trying not to trip on flat, level surfaces, let alone in a park.

Like I predicted she tripped and landed on her face. I found myself smiling at the familiarity of it all. I went up to her and pulled her up. "Owww. Thanks Natsume." she said while rubbing her sore head. I let out a small laugh at her. She had leaves all throughout her hair. I began busying myself with taking all the little leaves out. She then began talking.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" she said with hurt eyes. I steered away from her eyes and focused on getting the leaves out. "I haven't." I said simply. I instantly felt bad. I had never, ever lied to her before. "Yes you have," she asserted, "we haven't spoken to each other all week, and every time I try, you power walk to get away from me." Power walk? More like walk really fast. Wait are those the same thing? "I haven't been myself lately." That was perfectly true. "Are you sick?" she asked putting a hand on my forehead. I turned slightly pink. "Not in the way that you think." Oh yea I'm definitely sick all right. "Well you could have told me." she said with sad eyes, "We're not best friends for nothing." My hands suddenly stopped moving in her hair. I hid my face under my bangs. I had just been indirectly rejected. Then I resumed untangling her hair and muttered, "Sorry."

I didn't realize that her hair no longer had any leaves in it and that I was absentmindedly running my fingers through it. "Umm Natsume?" she questioned. I quickly gave her hair a tug. "You should go back to Ruka now." I said. He had been watching us for some time and seemed to have an unreadable expression. Mikan's eyes widened as if she had totally forgotten that she was with Ruka before. "Okay, but do you want to join us?" she asked. I said no. As If I wanted to be the third wheel. Ruka turned away from me. As he looked at me from the corner of his eye, the look in them was evident. It was a combination of jealousy and anger.

* * *

After much threatening and pestering I had finally agreed to go to a movie with the two of them like we used to. Things were different now though, I couldn't watch the movie, which by the way was one I had been looking forward to for months. I was too focused on sharpening my interrupting skills.

Right when it looked like Ruka was getting a little TOO comfortable I would do something to divert her attention. All I really had to do was offer some of my food really, the glutton. Ruka had been giving me a glare the entire night and I had to fight a huge smirk that threatened to come on my face.

I was breaking all the rules in the guy code. I was being a horrible friend. I was being a horrible person. All those arguments didn't seem to matter anymore. I was being selfish, but I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty for it.

The movie was over and Mikan continued to gush over how great it was. She would've gone on all night if not for my subsequent bop on the head. "Oww! Natsume what was that for." she said gripping her head. "Stop acting like a baby." I said with a small smile. She stuck her tongue at me. "Well we'll see you later Natsume." Ruka said in an obvious attempt to get me to leave. I shot him a glare. "Fine. See you later." I said. Mikan looked back and forth between us confused. "Let's go Mikan." he said pulling her arm. She looked at me with a furrowed brow. "O-Okay. See you later Natsume." she said with a small smile.

As soon as I got home I had an expression that screamed bloody murder. Only an absolute idiot would think of messing with me now. And of course that idiot was my brother.

"Whoa Natsume! Who died?" he snickered. I gave him the full extent of my glare but he didn't bat an eyelash. "Hmm. Very interesting. You seem to be having a girl problem." Tsubasa said. I looked at him in disbelief. How he was able to interpret that was beyond me. He turned around and began walking out. "Let me know when you're done venting your frustration." he said walking away.

Although it was said in a low whisper I could here him say, "So he finally realizes."

* * *

Okay I know that this chapter was lame but this was a transitional chapter, you can't expect much. It's short too but I have done shorter chapters in the past so all I can say is… well….GET OVER IT lol. This fic gets a lot better. I have the whole storyline in my mind now. But I'm going to need some help. I'm not exactly good with revenge plots and rivalries. I'm an EXTREMELY laid back person; if someone considers me their rival I kinda just ignore them. Kinda like Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei in Naruto. And I never mess with anyone so I've never needed to concoct a revenge plot. Give me any ideas you can cook up ;)


	3. Reunited and it Feels So Good?

Okay the typical reasons for delay apply here. And I'm happy to say that I have the idea for my first book in my head and oh my god, it's amazing. I'm not even tooting my horn I'm just being honest here. lol if any of u guys want specifics I'll send u a summary but as of now I'm being super conscientious. I do NOT want any plagiarism. I mean its one thing for a person to plagiarize a fanfic cuz it's not like a person can get them published and earn money for it. This is the REAL deal. This is gonna be something that WILL happen one day. Okay so in far future if you see a book called 'The Scarlet Lover' read it. Oh and don't let the title fool you, it's not a love story, it's a murder/suspense story.

TWILIGHT COMES OUT SOON OMG!!!! I am shaking with anticipation I have a feeling that the movie is gonna suck but I can't help it I just can't wait! I bought a shirt and a huge-ass movie poster. I have no idea where to put the poster but a truly obsessed fan must have one lol

* * *

Chapter 3: Reunited and it feels so…good?

"_Hey Natsume-chan? Do you think we'll be together forever?" said the voice next to me. I rolled my eyes. It was such a dumb question that I blatantly ignored it. "Come on Natsume, just answer without too much fuss this time." she said. I sighed and complied. "I don't feel like answering obvious questions. Where's this coming from anyway." I said. "Well Hotaru-chan told me yesterday that she's moving away." she said while letting tears fall. "I don't wanna loose another friend." she said._

_So that's what this is about. I sighed. "Well like I said it's a dumb question. Sadly I'm going to be stuck with you till the end of time." I said with a mock sigh. She rubbed her eye. "How can you be so sure?" I smiled. "I just do. Have I ever been wrong before?" I questioned. She shook her head. _

"_Exactly now don't argue." She wiped her eyes. "Okay." she said feebly. Then she smiled. "So we'll always be friends?" she questioned. "Yep and then I'm going to marry you." I said. "Marry? What does that mean?" she asked. I shrugged. "My mom and dad are married, so I guess it just means to live with each other and to sleep in the same room." I said. Mikan looked confused, "But my mommy said boys and girls aren't allowed to share the same bed." she said. I shrugged again. "I guess you have to be married to do that." I said simply. She thought about it for a while. "Okay then we'll get married." she said with her huge smile._

I woke up after just remembering probably the most embarrassing detail of my childhood. How naive was I when I was five? And to make matters worse, right after deciding amongst ourselves Mikan and I went to our parents and announced our betroval. Our parents laughed so hard their breaths came out in pants. They refused to tell us what was so funny. Naturally both Mikan and I forgot about our little engagement but that didn't stop our parents from teasing us about it. THIS HAS BEEN THEIR LITTLE INSIDE JOKE FOR ELEVEN YEARS!! Oh I feel like murdering something.

I took a long shower and let the water run on my back. It did a number on calming me down. I soon came to my senses and went downstairs. My mom was there with a newspaper in hand. "Off to wake my future daughter-in-law?" she asked. All my work at calming my nerves went up into smoke. "You guys are very funny. HILARIOUS!" I said bitterly. "So you finally remember." she said bursting with laughter. I walked out the door, but not before saying, "You're an evil parent."

What a horrible way to start my day. To make matters worse I hadn't gotten much of any sleep last night. I kept remembering what Tsubasa said.

_So he finally realizes_

What the hell was that supposed to mean? I only recently fell in love with her. Right? But maybe…ugh. Not again. My thoughts had followed that same pattern all night, not allowing me a moments rest. What could he possibly know that I don't?

I let out a sigh and decided to calm down while I still could. I didn't want to take any of my frustration out on her. For one it would hurt her thus making me feel guilty, and two, this wasn't her fault; it was mine.

I walked up and to my surprise she was already up and sitting on her window's ledge looking out. She looked beautiful in that light. I shooked my head and rid myself of that train of thought. I knocked on her door. Not so much to ask for permission to enter but to announce my presence. She looked over at me and smiled, "HA! I got up on my own today." she said while sticking her tongue out at me.

I rolled my eyes, "Today marks the end of life as we know it." I said sarcastically. "Just get in the shower." I said pushing her towards her bathroom door. "Wait, don't you wanna hear about my dream. It's what woke me up." she said while squirming. "No. I don't wanna hear about anything involving unicorns, ice cream, or you being admitted into Hogwarts-which by the way is never going to happen." I said nonchalantly. She scowled. It looks like I hit the nail on the head. "You're so mean. And stop mocking my dream to go to Hogwarts it COULD happen!" she said while stomping off into her bathroom. I had to laugh at her childishness. I got up and went downstairs.

"Hey Natsume. It seems like you were in a rush all last week." Mikan's mom said. I felt kinda guilty. With Mikan being an only child she really did treat me as her son. "I had a project to do so I had to get to school early." I said. She nodded and seemed to accept my response. "Just as long as it has nothing to do with you having a sudden dislike for my cooking." she said. I made a mock-horrified expression. "Who in their right mind would dare blaspheme at such great food?" I exclaimed. Mrs. S just rolled her eyes and passed me an omelet.

As I finished Mikan did her usual ritual of stealing my toast and dragging me out the door. "What if I was gonna eat that?" I questioned her. She took a bite out of it and shrugged, "You never do." I made a disgusted look, and hit her on the head, "Quit chewing with your mouth open."

* * *

Now normally before first period there would be the usual chatter going about, but for some reason today was unusually noisy. "What's going on?" Mikan asked. I shrugged.

She scampered toward Ruka and I had to fight the scowl threatening to show on my face. I forced a smile and heading toward him. "What's with all the noise?" I asked him. He shrugged. "Something about a transfer student." he said. I rolled my eyes; it was so like a bunch of teenagers to get excited so easily.

The teacher then brought in the new student. My eyes widened. I looked to Mikan and she had a similar reaction. Her lower lip started quivering and there were tears in her eyes. It was Hotaru Imai.

The class introductions were done and the girl made her way to her seat, but not before looking at Mikan and me. She gave the ghost of a smile and sat down.

* * *

It was lunch break and Mikan jumped out of her seat shoving people aside as she made her way to Imai.

"Y-you're back!" Mikan said rushing to hug her former best friend. I was half expecting Hotaru to push her away but to my surprise she returned the hug with a small smile.

Mikan beamed at her and pulled her so that they were arms length apart, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming in your last letter?" she asked while wiping the small tears that threatened to fall. She looked so happy and smiled the brightest she had in a long time. It made me smile just seeing her so happy.

"It would've ruined the surprise." she stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which truthfully it was.

Mikan rolled her eyes and recaptured her in another hug. Ruka came up beside me and whispered, "Who is she?" with a bewildered expression. I grinned and decided to toy with him a bit. "Hotaru Imai" I said simply. Ruka rolled his eyes. "I got that by this morning's introductions, I meant how they know each other?" he asked. "Oh!" I said like I had just had an epiphany. "Hotaru lived across the street from Mikan and me when we were young. She and Mikan were best friends, until she had to move away when we were five. They still wrote letters though." I said.

Ruka winced. He didn't like it when I blatantly pointed out that Mikan and I only had to walk five paces to be at each other's houses. Plus he obviously has never heard this girl's name out of Mikan's mouth before.

Mikan then suddenly stiffened. She seemed to realize this as well because she looked at Ruka sheepishly. I decided to take the attention off of that for a time.

"Sup, Imai. How's it been?" I said to her. "Everything's been fine. _I can speak English very well now._" she said, while saying the last bit in English. I smirked at her, "_Really now, won't it be funny if we confuse these two for a bit." _I said back to her. She smirked. "_I catch what you're getting at. On three we look at them and then laugh."_ she said. Mikan and Ruka were looking back at the two of us with bewildered expressions. They looked even more confused as it appeared as though we were laughing at them. Really they should pay more attention in English. I looked back at Imai and snickered. I had just remembered why I liked this girl.

After the two idiots recovered, Ruka gave a little nod toward Hotaru and had a look that read 'Aren't you gonna introduce us?' Mikan smiled shakily. "Oh, umm Hotaru, this is Ruka Nogi. He's my b-b-boyfriend." she stuttered. For the first time in my life, I saw Hotaru Imai stunned. She looked at Ruka who had then grabbed Mikan's hand as if to affirm what she just heard. She then turned to me with an incredulous expression. She yanked my arm and pulled me out into the hallway. "Give us a sec." she said to the two.

She pulled me till we were out of earshot. "Alright spill. _NOW._" she said in a demanding tone. I normally wouldn't reply to any demanding tone made by anyone except my mother, but I decided it'd be best just to comply with her.

"It's true. What more do you want me to say." I said nonchalantly. I didn't like the course of direction this conversation was heading. "Yeah I can see that. For how long has this been going on?! And how could this have happened?! Are you slow or are you just plain stupid." she hissed.

I sighed. "They got together three years ago, and I'm pretty sure you know my level of intellect so I don't have to answer the last one." I said ignoring the second question. It wouldn't be best to bring up I was the one who got them together. "Three?" she breathed confused. "How is it possible...that long?" she breathed. "Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that Mikan has never mentioned Ruka in any of her letters?" I asked. She shook her head. "Not even one." I gaped. Why? Why wouldn't Mikan mention Ruka?

"But that's not the issue right now; I'll deal with that matter with her later. The more important matter is how could you have let this happen? I leave here and when I come back she's with some other guy I haven't approved of! YOU were supposed to be the one to end up with her not…_that Guy._" she spat.

I gaped at her like a fish out of water. What was she trying to insinuate. She left when we were five years old. "What?" I questioned. She just spun on her heels, walked away and huffed, "The world is full of idiots."

* * *

lol I love the way I describe Hotaru here. I kept her personality but at the same time made a few tweaks where I saw fit. She's a lot less cold here but she still has the stoic personality we all know and love. Just to let you know, there isn't really any Hotaru and Ruka in this fic. I completely support that pairing it's just that it will only HINT at it. I won't really put it in there. So that's the chapter and yes if you guys are going to ask Hotaru IS going to help sabotage. READ AND REVIEW


	4. On the Otherside of the Field

Sorry for the late update. I really wanted to wait until I wrote something good for you guys. This story is progressing a lot faster than I expected. I anticipated it being around 7-8 chapters long but it might even be less than that. Ugh I hope not. If anything I'll make it as long as possible. A VERY important reveal is made here, so I hope you like it

* * *

Chapter 4: On the Otherside of the Field

Okay so I'll admit I was getting thoroughly annoyed by all the statements made by the people around me. It seems as though everyone knows something that I don't, and I'm sick of it. I mean you'd be annoyed too if everyone was referring to something that you don't know or remember. Now with both Imai and Tsubasa saying cryptic statements, my mind was in a state of chaos. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT!!! It was as infuriating as having two people talk about you like you weren't around.

If that wasn't bad enough, with Imai's sudden appearance, she's become all Mikan can talk about. Hotaru did this. Hotaru did that. Hotaru, Hotaru, Hotaru. Did I just allude to _The Brady Bunch_? Now I've totally lost it.

After Hotaru's bold statement, she walked away fuming. It was laughable really. It has been a week and she's still miffed. It's also pretty funny at the way she glares, and scowls at Ruka all the time. The one and only time Ruka tried to interrupt a conversation between her and Mikan, she gave a look so strong, he never even attempted at that again. Ruka Nogi was scared to death of Hotaru Imai.

Although I was annoyed by Mikan's constant chatter about Hotaru, I found myself whisked away by the look on her face. She was completely and thoroughly happy. She seemed to have a permanent glow that made her all the more beautiful. It made me smile whenever I saw her, which of course brought about curious glances from her. I've smiled more times this week than I have in my entire life. Damn I'm whipped.

It wasn't until the following week when Hotaru approached me again. She had a smile small that made her look conspiratorial, almost feral. It had me both quaking and curious. She glared at me with a look that told me that I should listen, and not say a word. "I've set up an opportunity for you. If you screw up this time you'll lose her forever." And with that cryptic statement, she left.

* * *

One Week Earlier: Mikan's POV

"Today's the anniversary…" I whispered to myself. My musings were cut short when a hand grabbed mine and pulled me. I saw a small feminine body with short-cropped hair pulling me. "Hotaru?" I called out. She ignored me and pulled me into an empty classroom. "Alright start talking." she said in an exasperated whisper. "I-I thought you were with Natsume?" I asked her. She shrugged and said, "I'm with you now. Now would you care to explain why you've had a boyfriend for THREE years, and you never thought to tell me about him?" she asked.

I froze. My lip quivered, and my eyes began to tear up. "B-Because…" I said looking down. She looked at me and then I slid down to the ground with a sob. "Our relationship's a fraud!" I cried out to her. Her eyes widened and she slid down next to me. I broke out in uncontrollable sobs. "Mikan…" she whispered. She took my head and placed it on her lap, and she proceeded to stroke my head. "It's all a fake…I'm a fake!" I cried out to her. I cried until my eyes were sore.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered. I looked up at her. "I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. I never…I never expected it to be like this." I whispered. "Mikan you aren't making any sense." She said. I took a deep breath. "I don't love Ruka… I can't love him! I can't, not while my heart belongs to someone else." I said.

There was a long pause after that, and the Hotaru spoke the words, that had been hidden in my heart for years. "You love Natsume." she whispered.

I let out a loud uncontrollable sob. _"YES!"_ I cried. I then told her all that happened after she left. And about the accident that tore Natsume and I apart.

_It was beautiful. There was a large lake, tall trees, and tall grasses. The sky was bluer than it ever had been, the clouds whiter, and the sun brighter. I let out a sigh of awe. Two hands came around my waist and pulled me toward him. "It's beautiful." I whispered to him. "Mmhmm." he let out in agreement. He gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and I giggled. "Eww I think I'm gonna puke." Tsubasa let out from behind us. _

_Natsume and I immediately pulled apart blushing. "Shut up Tsubasa, you're just mad cuz you're four years older than me, and I have a girlfriend before you." Natsume bit out. I had to laugh as the two brothers proceeded to glare at each other. "Alright boys break it up." Natsume's mom called out. _

_I had been invited on Natsume's family trip. They always go to this place and camp out for the weekend. This year Natsume all but dragged me here. He apparently finds it boring here and hates going on these trips. _

"_Hey Natsume, why don't you show Mikan around? Maybe show her the trail?" she said with a smile. I smiled back and nodded in approval. Natsume shrugged and grabbed my hand. We then began walking toward the trail, trying to ignore the chorus of 'AWWW' coming from Natsume's family. I blushed like a beet. _

_Once we were a safe distance away he sighed. "Why can't they take us seriously." he muttered. I sighed with him. "Well we are only eleven. They don't think we're serious." He looked up and pecked my lips. "Serious enough for you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. I giggled, "Just show me around already."_

_He took me on the trail and I saw the beautiful mountainside view. "I don't know how you could possibly hate it here." I sighed, "It's amazing." He shrugged, "Well it's not exactly the most interesting thing in the world. Hiking with your family that is." he said. _

_I nodded with understanding. "It's still so beautiful. Hey I'm gonna get a better look. Okay?" I said moving closer to the edge. "Mikan, WAIT!" he said. _

_It was too late. Ice. I didn't see the ice on the edge of the cliff. I slipped. He grabbed me and protected me. He hugged and cradled me so that I wouldn't get hurt. He did. _

_Natsume was in a coma for two weeks. Two weeks I felt like dying at the thought he would never wake up. Two weeks I cried myself to sleep in guilt. And his first words he spoke when he awoke were…_

"Who are you?"

_It took a year before Natsume regained his memory. He still couldn't remember certain things, but he remembered just about everything. Except one thing. He forgot the nature of our relationship._

I cried silently on Hotaru's lap. "He forgot he loved me." I whispered. "He remembered being best friends and neighbors, but he forgot he loved me." I moaned.

Hotaru's eyes were glazed with sympathy. "Mikan…" "Oh and it gets worse Hotaru, three years ago, he was the one who pushed Ruka and I together! Sure Ruka had a crush on me but I didn't. All the pushing and annoying hints. All the plans he made for the three of us that he would conveniently back out on. I was never going to say yes to another guy. I was hopelessly and foolishly holding onto the hope that he would one day remember me, but he never did. And then he just kept pushing and pushing and…" I trailed off.

"You got tired." Hotaru continued. I nodded. She hugged me to her. "What do I do? I shouldn't stay with Ruka, but if I leave him…I'll break his heart." I moaned. "Mikan, by pretending you love him all you're doing is setting him up for more heartbreak. You need to let him go." she whispered. I nodded. She was right. I knew she was right.

"Don't worry Mikan. If anyone deserves happiness, it's you."

* * *

I ended it on a sad note, but there you go. That's what Natsume doesn't remember. I know I said I wasn't going to write in anyone's point of view but Natsume's but, it was necessary to tell you this. For plot reasons. And because I love to build up dramatic irony lol. Well I hope you enjoyed that. Please review.


	5. Author's Message

AUTHORS NOTE

I'm truly sorry to anyone who thought that this was a chapter. I understand completely if you guys are frustrated with the fact that haven't updated in eons of time, but I really, really can

honestly say that I'm not doing this on purpose. There are probably about only two chapters left and I hate myself for not being able to just finish this. To put it simply, I lack inspiration.

This is the worst dry spell I've ever had and it's not just with this story. I haven't written a poem, a short story, nor have I worked on my novel. Even my school ESSAYS are even suffering.

I can't do anything!! I honestly have to pull myself together before I even think about continuing this, so I regret to say that I'm taking an indefinite hiatus from "A Matter of Perception".

I have no idea how long it'll take for me to get my creativity back, but I hope it comes back soon. Once again I truly am sorry.

_Jasmine


	6. Our Anniversary, Our End

I'm so, so sorry this took so long to write.

* * *

Chapter 5:

"You really are a masochistic fool aren't you?" I looked up from the picture I was holding. My cousin Sumire was talking to me.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said putting the picture back in the binder I kept it in. Sumire rolled her eyes. "Don't you even think about dancing your way out of this Ruka. You know damn well what I'm talking about."

I sighed and lay down on my bed. "God, just leave me alone Sumire." Sumire was one of those annoying members of the family everyone has. The one who thinks they know everything and likes to point it out at every chance they get. The type of person who even the most passive person just wants to strangle.

She snickered at me and looked at me with a sneer. "You have no idea how pathetic you are, do you? Look at yourself Ruka!" she said gesturing to me, "When are you gonna face the fact that that girl _doesn't_ love you!"

"Stop It-" I said desperately.

"And do you know why she doesn't love you?"

"Stop It-"

"It's because she loves someone else."

"Cut it out!" I growled.

"And of all people for her to be in love with-"

"SHUT UP!" I shouted jerking upright. She wasn't even fazed by my outburst.

"She loves your best friend. Now stop being such a pathetic fool and end your _relationship_ with her already." she said haughtily.

I suddenly lost all energy, "Sumire please… just leave." I whispered.

"Fine." she said with the same amount of haughtiness, "I might as well leave before I have to see you're sorry face any longer. I wanted to kill her then, but I no longer had the strength to. I collapsed like a heap at the top of my bed.

I didn't need to face anything. Everything she said, I already knew. The truth hurts. Whoever wrote that was a truly inspired person. Nothing can hurt more than the truth, because it's always there, unchanging. There's no avoiding it no matter how hard a person tries, and no matter how much you deny it, it is still there, waiting to pop out at you. To hurt you.

If I'm completely honest with myself I've known Mikan was in love with Natsume since the day I met her. Her eyes shine so brightly whenever someone speaks of him, and whenever she sees him, it's like her entire face glows. I've never seen that look on her face when she looks at anyone else. Then there are the looks she gives him when she thinks I'm not looking. The longing, the desire, and the despair. It's the look one has on their face when they see what they want, in fact, it's right in front of them, but they can never have it. I know that look very well, it's the same look I have on my face whenever I'm with Mikan.

Anyone who's ever seen us alone together could see that it's a one-sided relationship; I'm not surprised that Sumire noticed it. Doesn't that just make it all the more tragic? I have what I want, the girl I love is mine, but her heart isn't. I've given her everything, I've worn my heart on my sleeve, and she still doesn't want me. Our relationship is as faux as it can possibly be.

And I know what you're probably all asking, "Why in the world would you stay with her for so long if you know she doesn't love you." Well Sumire is right about one thing, I definitely am a fool. I hold on to hopes that maybe someday she'll give up on Natsume, and realize that I'd do anything for her. Maybe someday she'll realize that I can make her happy, if only she would just let me. I want her to love me as much as I love her. And I'm a fool because I can't accept the fact that she never will.

* * *

Sumire walked outside Ruka's room and sighed. It really was tiring having to act like a bitch all the time, but she knew if she didn't, the snobby kids at her prep school would tear her apart. After a while she just never stopped acting. She seems to be stuck in bitch-mode and she can't turn it off. She took out her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Yeah Imai, I did what you asked me to do."

"Yes"

"I'll be over at your place tomorrow to pick up the picture."

She hung up and sighed in relief. Being black mailed by Hotaru Imai was just about the most stressful experience a person could go through.

Hotaru hung up the phone and smiled. Stage one of her plan was finally in play. She looked down and in her hands was a photo of Sumire and her boyfriend Kokoroyome together. It's funny what people will do with the right incentive. Of course Hotaru would never actually follow through with her threats but people usually just don't want to test her. Simply telling Sumire that she would leak the photo to her school was enough to get her to mouth off to her cousin. She shook her head, people really would do anything with the right incentive.

* * *

I paced about in the jewelry store wondering what to get her. My hands were sweaty and I had butterflies in my stomach. We had had anniversaries before but this was the first one where I was gonna tell her exactly how I feel. And my body seemed to be telling me that this was a bad idea. I knew in my head that I was going to be turned down and I knew that it would probably end this faux relationship she and I had, but I couldn't help it. My heart told me that I needed to do this. I guess for closure I suppose. The something caught my eye. It was a white banded ring with orange gemstones. They formed a flower in the center of it. It SCREAMED Mikan and I knew from the instant I saw it, it was perfect for her.

"Excuse me, may I see that ring?" the woman smiled and pulled it out. It was even more beautiful up close.

"I would like to buy this." I said.

"I'll ring it up right now." As she was walking to the cash register she turned to me. "Gift for your girlfriend?"

I blushed, "Yeah...it's our three year anniversary." I said.

Her eyes widened, "Wow, that's so long. Congratulations."

I paid for the ring and was about to leave, when she wished me good luck. If only I didn't need it.

* * *

_I need to talk to you…in person I mean_

_-Mikan_

I was slightly confused, it was the night before we were scheduled to go out.

_Well we're seeing each other tomorrow aren't we, you can talk to me then._

_-Ruka_

It didn't take long for her to reply.

_No, Ruka I really can't wait that long. Can you meet me at my house? _

_I'm sorry this is such short notice_

_-Mikan_

This did not sound good.

_Sure. I'll be there in a half hour_

_-Ruka_

This did not sound good at all. I grabbed the ring and headed out.

* * *

To erase all confusions I'm going to tell you some dates. Ruka and Mikan's anniversary is on October 3. Mikan and Hotaru's conversation were she confided her and Natsume's past was on September 30. and Sumire's conversation with Ruka took place on October 1.


End file.
